


Finding Myself

by SydMarch



Series: Even vaulties have feelings [1]
Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Add tags as I go, Angst, F/M, Loneliness, PSD, Tags May Change, VDS, depressed vaultie, ghouls need love to, lone wanderer is lonely, maybe heavy nsfw but i will do note, slight nsfw, vault depressive syndrome, vaultie is lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 18:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12870024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SydMarch/pseuds/SydMarch
Summary: Here's the thing, the wasteland has taught me more about humanity than the vault ever did. Coops, was used to being cooped up in the vault. But there's a whole new world out there, full of mystery and truth, and it need's someone to unravel it. Deals with isolation,depression & finding a purpose. Relationships: Slight Vaultie x Freddie Gomez. Major Vaultie x Charon later on.





	1. The beginning without an end.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own fallout. Oh the things I would do if I did.

Chapter 1. The beginning without an end.

My name, I dislike my name. My nicknames though, they are quite odd, my favourite would have to be nosebleed though another one of my nicknames is Coops because I tend to coop up in the unused storage area and drink all the homemade hooch I can. Only Amata calls me by that name though. If I were to search though my brain and find my happiest memory is would have to be when I got my pip-boy.

It was my tenth birthday, My first true birthday party. I never had a party before, Amata was so generous. She had spent time decorating and planning, all behind my back and I never realised! She was truly the greatest friend I could ask for, I was lucky I had her. I let my crush on Freddy Gomez slip through my lips, I don't think anyone else heard, only Amata. That was the best day of my life, even after Butch tried to steal my sweet roll. What happened was Mrs Palmer baked me a sweet-roll for my birthday and Andy accidentally cut the cake and destroyed it so Butch decided to be an ass and tried to steal my sweet-roll. So what I did was bite it in half, quickly swallow it and then I spat on the other half and offered it to him. His face was priceless. He chucked a tantrum and went to hit me but Officer Gomez caught him red handed, hah, it was so funny!

Lately, for me life in the vault has gotten depressing, its quite repetitive, I'm lucky that we have the asshole Butch, always coming up with new names, teases and way to annoy yet entertain us. It feels old in this vault, feels like years have already passed by. I had a crush on Freddie, that's been… off and on lately.

My eyes are still staring into the creamy wall as my mind races, I don't want to do this, I don't want to, but I know I'm going to have to. The G.O.A.T the godforsaken quiz that you take when you're 16 to decide your fate and future job in the vault. I'm torn out of my own consciousness as I hear my dad speak. "Well, you're not sick."

 

"But Dad!" I look at dad with puppy dog eyes. "I'm sick, I swear!"

"No, you're not." I glare at dad and sign.

"Fine, I'm going. Bye dad"

I jump off the table and walk off before dad can say bye or wave me off. As I make my way into the classroom I see Butch harassing Amata. "Hey Butch, what do you think you're doing?"

 

"What does it look like nosebleed? Bout to show Amata a real tunnel snake, what? You want to see too?"

I cringe my nose at disgust while I think of a comeback, "You know Amata's dad is the overseer right? What if he comes down here and sees you harassing her?"

"You know what, see isn't even worth our time, lets go tunnel snakes."

Just before Butch enters the classroom I flip him off.

"Thanks for that." I hear Amata say as she follows me into the classroom…

The test, it was goddamn awful, the questions seemed to be made for sadists or psychopaths. I look straight at Brotch, my eyebrows frowning, waiting for my results. I hear a lip smack and his voice. "Looks like the diner's going to get a new fry cook. I'll just say this once: hold the mustard, extra pickles." I watch as he laughs. This is not what I wanted.

 

"Can I change it somehow?" I question him.

"Afraid not, the overseer got angry at me for changing too many people's results."

I look back down at my quiz on Brotch's desk and sigh before walking backwards. Just before I turn my head I accidentally bump into Freddie.

"Sorry Freddie." I look at him and withstand a blush. I can't help that my crush for him has been decreasing lately but this event has kind of spiked it back up. I know he struggles living in the vault, I couldn't help it but read dad's files on his VDS. But that's none of my business.

"I'm thinking of going with 'Overseer' for the last one. What did you put?"

I crack a smile and point to the third 'overseer' option and tapped on it.

"I did this one."

 

I hear Butch snickering in the background as I pick up my pencil and leave. I'm not going to lie, I can't help taking pencils and pens from the classroom, I like to write and draw. I return them a day after though, I know we are running out of pencils, have to start making pencils from the charcoal off the grill in the cafeteria. That's actually a good idea, good thing I'm a new fry cook. I laugh to myself and make my way down to the Cafeteria. I don't want to see dad, I know he will be disappointed that I didn't get a job with him in the lab and the fact that I'm working in the kitchen, at least im not a trash burner. I smirk as I secretly hope Butch becomes the vault trash burner. I smile as I remember that no one really hangs out near the kitchen, so I'll be mostly alone – well until breakfast, lunch and dinner times. This is really the first time that the vault has had a chef or cook, lately its been like one person collects the ration cards and gives out canned foods. Glad we can finally have cooked meals now. I am worried about one thing though, what happens when we run out of food. I know we have a backup plan, the machine that turns waste into food but that's majorly disgusting and I don't want to vomit. Surely the vault would have herbs and plants growing? I'll have to ask the overseer later if we have any seeds… But we don't have dirt, never-mind.

 

When I leave the vault, that's if I leave the vault. The first thing I want to do is grow produce, actually taste something fresh, something real and not artificial and soaked in preservatives. But that's if I do actually leave the vault. One can only wish. I'm not even sure if life outside of the vault is even liveable, the overseer says it isn't and so does my dad.I twirl the old pencil around my fingers while I walk down the stair to the reactor, I hope I see Jonas there it's nice to chat him up every now and then. Jonas has been a really great friend despite our age gap, he is like the uncle that you hang out with and your best mates with, I've told him things I'd never tell dad.

 

"Hey there kiddo, how'd the test go?" I hear with the accompliment of a really hard head ruffle.

"Guess what my new destined future is?" I say as I fix my hair.

"Hmm, let me guess" a break of silence as I see Jonas's mouth open. "Could you be a doctor?"

I look at him dead in the eye as I speak, "Nah I'm a fry cook… May I take your order?" I hold in a laugh as Jonas lets out deep giggles.

"Good one, hopefully you'll be able to make the food taste better than it looks, been a long time since we've had a proper cook."

My thoughts ponder for a moment, "Doesn't your granny sometimes work in the kitchen?"

"She does, maybe you'll be paired up with her. She's a lovely woman I wouldn't be surprised if she teaches you her sweet roll recipe."

 

I smile at Jonas, I'm a bit upset that I won't be able to hang out with him now that I have a job, I'm sure maybe I can deliver him his lunch and then hang out for a while. Hah, I just thought of something funny, I could poison Butch! Well I am now the Vault's cook so perhaps I could sneak some rat poison in Butch's stew hah, but then again if I'm framed for murder… Oh well, I can always fantasise about it, next time Butch teases me I'll have to threaten to put rat poison in his food.

I realise how late it's gotten and that I should probably talk to dad. "I have to go now Jonas, I'll see you later!"

"Better not keep your old man waiting, see you later kiddo." Jonas waves me off as I exited the reactor. I just realised how much Jonas hangs out down there, most of the time he is either in the lab/medical wing or the reactor. I sometimes think that he is doing some illegal experiment down there hah but I never catch him doing anything.

I leap up the stairs and make my way to the medical lab. I hope dad isn't angry at me.

"Where have you been missy?" I immediately stop and stare at my dad, I watch as his expression changes from fake anger to cheerfulness. "So how'd it go?"

"Well.. I didn't get a job with you in the lab… or as a doctor." My hands fiddle around a bit.

"Ah, that's okay, you didn't get a job as a trash burner did you?" I think to myself, might as well lower his expectations then we wont be as disappointed.

"Here's the thing… I did." I watch his face drop before I start waving my hands around "I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm the Vaults new cook."


	2. Two tests in one day? What is this madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, Bethesda owns fallout not me sadly.

Chapter 2. Two tests in one day? What is this madness.

Bleak house. We've been reading that novel for at least a month now. It's not that bad, well others seem to think it's the worst thing in the world. Cough cough Butch, that boy never seem to stop complaining.

Talking about Butch, he has been a real bully lately, he almost constantly taunts me and Amata about being gay whenever we hug, he even stole my clothes when I was showering one time and I was in the girls bathroom too! Now whenever I shower I have Amata watch guard, but of course it makes it worse and Butch has another reason to taunt us and call us gay. Like I'm not interested in Amata, besides if I was the overseer would shoot my ass haha. My thoughts are disturbed by Brotch passing me a quiz paper.

 

Damn. I forgot that today was the day where we were quizzed on our reading skills, concentration skills and more importantly on how well we've paid attention to Bleak House.

1\. Who is the author of Bleak house? Charles Dickens

2\. Lady Dedlock believes her daughter is dead, in fact who is raising Esther? Miss Barbary.

3\. After school who does Esther move in with at Bleak House? John Jarndyce.

My eyes skim too the last question as I hastily answer it, wanted to go back to the kitchen.

30\. What does Mr Woodcourt diagnose Richard with? Tuberculosis.

As soon as I'm finished writing my answers I stand up and slam my results against Brotch's desk. I just realised I had another test after this, a science one and im not my father when it comes to science. I nod my head at Mr Brotch before I speed-walk out of the classroom and past my dad's office.

"What are you doing?"

I quickly speak back. "Finished Bleak House test, have to go study for science test, can't talk catch up later." I speed off my words becoming faint to my dad. When I finally make it to the cafeteria I grab my study notes.

 

_Airborne bacteria and viruses:_

_You can catch some diseases simply by breathing. These are called airborne diseases._

_Airborne disease can spread when a infected person coughs, sneezes or talks, spewing nasal and throat secretions into the air. Certain viruses or bacteria take flight and hang in the air or land on other people or surfaces._

_When you breathe airborne pathogenic organisms in, they take up residence inside you. You can also pick up germs when you touch an infected surface, and then touch your own eyes, nose or mouth. Airborne diseases travel in the air which make them hard to control._

_Examples of airborne diseases: the flu, tuberculosis, valley fever and the measles._

_Ways to prevent contaminating and contracting airborne diseases: Covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze, Wash your hands, avoid touching your face._

 

My eyes go over the revision notes as I pocket them for later. I can do this. I've already done one exam and I bet I aced it. I know that each year we get 2 assignments for each subject, sadly we only have algebra, science, American history and sometimes food tech, but food tech is only ever theory. I'm happy now that all of that theory is finally going to be useful in practical. I really should ask Granny Palmer if she can teach me her sweetroll recipe, I'd love to make some for Amata, dad and Jonas, and of course a couple for granny Palmer. My pip-boy makes a beeping noise as I check the time – 16:34 might as well start dinner. I grab my makeshift cookbook and flick through it. What to make, what to make. Last night I made a stew – I was too tired and lazy to cook anything difficult. So today I might either make something nice or make something okay but make a desert. I can't wait until I learn how to make sweetrolls. Everyone would be having sweetrolls for days. Except Susie hahha. Well, until the flour supplies runs out.

 

Before dinner, that's when the test happens, I'll probably slow cook some spam with potatoes and carrots. That should take an hour, the test only goes for 40 minutes. I use my key to unlock the pantry door as a reach in and grab ten cans of spam. I go in deeper to grab the canned potato powder and the carrot powder. Shame that the only real vegetables we have are in dehydrated powder form. I rinse off an already used bowl and grab my measuring cup. I've memorised this by heart. 250mls of water to 200g of powdered mix (or 1:1 cup ratio if you just want to improvise) I ignore the measuring cup and just do a cup of water and a cup of carrot mix, I try my hardest to form a carrot shape before setting it into the griller. I do the same for the potato mix. I'll add the spam after the test. I might see what seasonings we have left that I can add. Oops, can't forget. I quickly add a dash of salt to the mangy looking vegetables. Done.

 

I rinse my hands off in the left over water and make my way back to the classroom. I don't get why we are talking about bacteria in class, the vault is pristine and besides I'm sure that there's no bacteria outside of the vault because the atomic bombs have probably killed it all. I wonder if there is any bacteria that can survive atomic blasts. I'll have to ask Brotch…

Only twenty minutes in and I've already finished. I raise my hand and see Brotch noting for me to go over to him. I try my hardest to whisper.

"I'm done, may I go back to finish making dinner?" I say as I hand him my test. "Oh. Also, are there any bacteria that could survive an atomic blast?"

"Yes you may and there's a bacterium called Deinococcus radiodurans. It's an extremophile and it can survive cold, acid, vacuum and dehydration. Also its nicknamed as Grognak the Bacterium"

I act as if I'm not amazed but I end up showing it, "That's actually pretty cool, do you think that thing could be living outside of the vault?"

"It's possible."

I shift my view to the door as I make my way past the desks, I swear I could of heard Butch snickering and calling me a smarty pants, well hey, maybe he should have studied beforehand instead of making fun of Amata.


End file.
